July

I’m not sure if I don’t care to document life anymore because I’m maturing past that version of me.. or if I’m just feeling like life isn’t worth remembering.

July was a hard month. On the outside it looked amazing with jam packed weekends and exciting vacations. On the inside I have been suffering, facing changes to I am not ready for. I’m feeling stuck between progress and history. I want so badly to move past this part of me who thinks my story is a sad one, who feels destined to have bad things happen to her, who feels like she exists to be hurt. Changing the narrative means giving up on this shield I’ve held which tells me bad thinks are okay because they’re meant to happen. Bad things happen to good people and it does not mean they deserved it. I am worthy of good things, I am not a sad story, I am worthy.

I think a cause for this feeling of helplessness is I don’t currently have goals. I’m working towards nothing specific and so I feel lost.

New goals for August:

• Run 5km at least 3 times

• Read one book and write about what it teaches me

• Peloton at least 5 times

• Stretch at least 5 times

• Journal once a week